Faith: Following the ideas

I am stepping out on faith. It feels scary but yet also empowering. I feel more in control and less a helpless victim. There are currently two endeavors underway. I strongly believe that both of these ideas were planted in my mind by the Holy Spirit, but it is now my "job" to follow through, and make each of them a success.

The first is that I signed up last week to be an Avon representative. The opportunities & benefits in this case are obvious:

1. The necessary social contacts required to distribute brochures and collect orders. This will decrease my sense of isolation as I continue to adjust to a world that doesn't include full-time employment
2. The ability to make money within the framework & limitations of my illness

I have passed out several flyers and have received positive responses as well as comments about the possibility of orders. I know my Mom (go, Mom!) can be counted on for an order of the Anew aging products. Aren't Moms wonderful? Oh, and in a shameless bit of marketing and self-promotion, you may access my Avon website at www.youravon.com/cbrower (yes I know the "u" is missing; should be fixed soon!)

The second whisper in my ear was about selling my books on Amazon.com. This was a bit more difficult, because my books are so precious to me. However as I look at the shelves, I notice that there are some that it would relatively painless to part with. Those went first! And guess, what?!??! I made my first sale today and made $1.70! I am also going to be soliciting books to sell from people I know. I also accept donations - of books!

Stay tuned for more on the changing life of Christine, sponsored by God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I wonder what will happen next?

Searching for the way forward

I am searching for a new faith community. There are some things that have been in the back of my mind for a while now, concerning where I worship. The place that I am affliated with now served its purpose for a number of years, but it seems now that I am drawn to a different type of worship experience.

One of the things that has bothered me recently is the lack of focus on Biblical teachings. Growing up as I did in the Reformed tradition, usually attending Presbyterian or Reformed Church in America congregations, I was taught at a very early age that the Bible is a powerful resource for personal and spiritual growth. I have used several translations over the years, searching each for the meaning and message that I was lead to at that period in my life. I realized recently that my children are lacking this knowledge and this fact bothered me on a visceral level. I realized that a change needed to be made.

The second thing that I have been thinking about recently is that Communion is not a part of the worship practice at our most recent church. I enjoy Communion; once again, it is part of my upbringing and I believe that the Biblical teachings regarding the Lord's Supper are relevant and an important part of my faith journey. Quite simply, I miss it.

So yesterday, we tried out a new church. My youngest went to the Children's program but my oldest daughter chose to worship in the sanctuary with me. Well, 10 minutes into the service, she turned to me, her face glowing, and said "This church is really cool, Mommy!". What else needs to be said? If she is intrigued, then I made the right choice. Do you know how hard it is to capture (and hold) the interest of a "tween"?

The best part of all was that the service included the Lord's Supper. As I shared the bread and wine with other believers, I felt a deep sense of peace and belonging. I made the right choice.

Life is changing and I must adapt

I don't think that any of us expect the things that happen to us. We just don't see it coming: the divorce, the lost friendship, the car accident, the hurricane, the illness that changes everything. I know I certainly didn't think "Oh yes, I expect I will be divorced one day" or "I believe that I will become too sick to do my job". We just don't think it will happen to us....

Well, guess what? It has happened. On a Friday night in November of 2007, I felt a strange pain developing on my neck near my left ear. There was a huge lump and I could barely turn my head. The next day I found out that, rather than the ear infection that I thought it was, I had extremely swollen lymph nodes. Nothing has been the same since that day. In the space of one day, I stopped being Christine, Senior Quality Assurance Analyst with a great paying job and became Christine, sick person with no job.

I know now what happened but it took many, many tests to figure it out and some doctors, even now, do not believe or understand what happened to me. The villian in this piece is the Epstein-Barr virus, a common but little understood virus. This nasty thing has completely turned my life upside down, inside out and back again. Some people get a little sick, recover and go about their lives. Other people get a bit sicker, take longer to recover and go about their lives. Then there are the ones like me: we get sick, stay sick and do not get better. The virus continues to do its dirty work and our immune system basically says, "Ok, do whatever you like, we will just be over here". Why some people react this way is the mystery that someone, someday will probably solve. But for now, for me, it is like having mono or the flu all the time.

So now I have to reinvent my life. I have to adjust, do things differently and figure things out as I go. And I will figure it out. I know this. And do you know why I know? Because I have FAITH. I believe that God has a plan for my life and that everything happens for good. Even this. I just have to adapt. And I will.

Always look ahead

Editors Gary Schmidt and Susan Felch have gathered poems, essays, and stories which celebrate the wonders and blessings of summer. Here are two prayers by James Vanden Bosch on the spiritual practice of grace.

A Prayer
God of grace, grant us the further gift of noticing your grace every day.

In renewing sleep,
in food and drink,
in the dark sky and the fragile grass,
in the life of the senses,
in the passions of the mind,
in the love of a friend,
in the embrace of the family,
in the blessings of work and play,
in the breath of life,
may we feel the favor of your bounty.

God of grace,
grant us the further gift of responding to your grace every day.

In gratitude for your gifts to us,
in valuing the gifts you have given to others,
in valuing the gifts that others are,
may we live lives that are graceful in return.

Bless us with graceful lives today and always —
lives that honor the source of grace,
lives that accept gifts humbly,
lives that pass the grace along,
lives alert for signs of grace and glory
throughout your great creation.

Make all our goings graces.

Amen.

— James Vanden Bosch

A Prayer
God of creation, God of the seasons,
bless your creatures with seasons of delight.

Lord of the Sabbath,
you who have established the rhythms of life, establish in us also the rhythms for human prospering; grant us the good sense to enjoy Sabbath rest in this season.

Grant us, moreover, wisdom to know that there
is a time to play,
a time to cease from our labors,
a time to sense majesty in a blue sky,
richness in green grass,
love in faithful friends,
and joy in our being.

Grant us, then, blue skies this summer, and green grass;
grant us faithful friends and the time, strength, and spirit for play.
Grant us the wit to know the goodness of this creation, which, blind, defiant, or ungrateful, we despoil.

Send our roots rain; send our hearts ease,
so we may show in our lives
that we can live rightly in this season of our lives
and see it as if for the first time,
in wonder, in awe, and in a spirit of thanksgiving.

Amen.

— James Vanden Bosch

Spreading God Around

Yesterday, my youngest daughter turned to me and said "Mommy, can we please, please go to church tomorrow? You know, we really need to spread God around."

Of course I said yes and we did go this morning. We worshiped, we learned, we prayed, and we gloried in the re-affirmation of God's Love.

A poem for my daughter

I wrote this poem on February 20, 2008 which was my daughter's 10th birthday. We were in my bedroom together - I was on the bed with a notebook and she was, of course, looking at her collection of Pokemon cards. She had just gotten a new set for her birthday and she was absorbed with the organzing - placing the new cards in just the right place in her binder. I realized, in that moment, what is expressed in this poem.

For Nicole on her birthday

She came to me, innocent and sweet,

Chosen by God to make my life complete.

So tiny, so pretty, a picture of love,

She fit in my arms like hand and glove.

Now on this day, she turns ten,

My sweet baby is a person of opinion.

Dolphins, Pokemon and horses

are her methods and her forces

to express her inner voice

and show her courage of choice.

I wonder - "What will the future bring?"

God's plans are an unknown thing.

But this I know with all my heart,

my love for my daughter will never depart.